Demisexuality

So in recent years, you may have come across sexuality terms you were unaware of and wondered what sexual orientation you fit into. Demisexuality is one of the newer concepts gaining attention and recognition in recent years however it first originated in 2006 and was discovered by a member of the AVEN (Asexual Visibility and Education Network). Since then, more and more people have started to identify themselves as demisexual.

What is demisexual?

Demisexual is often compared to or confused with Asexuality or celibacy. However, these are not the same. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, and celibacy is an intentional decision to not engage in sexual activity. Demisexual individuals do experience sexual attraction, however, only after forming a strong emotional bond with a person. Demisexual disputes the fact that sexual attraction is based upon a desire or someone's physical appearance. Demisexuality puts an emphasis on emotional connection and intimacy.

For someone who identifies as Demisexual, the emotional connection between them and their partner is considered a priority over the physical act of sex itself. This means a Demisexual person prefers forms of touch that focus on building emotional intimacy and connection rather than simply just physical.

Acts that could be important for a Demisexual partner

  • Emotional Communication

Communication is key in every relationship however, it is especially important for individuals in a relationship with someone who identifies as Demisexual. Your partner may have specific boundaries and needs when it comes to physical intimacy, so having open and honest conversations will allow them to tell you their sexual preferences and what makes them comfortable. Emotional communication will help you build an intimate connection with them. Spend quality time having deep conversations about past experiences, upbringings, and things that bring you both joy and the future of your relationship together.

  • Patience And Honesty

It will be essential for a happy, strong relationship that your partner feels listened to and understood. This relationship will require patience and honesty. A partner that identifies as Demisexual will experience sexual attraction differently to you, therefore it may take them longer to feel comfortable talking about it and doing specific things with you. Your partner will need your support and empathy to navigate their feelings and sexual needs.

  • Hold Hands

When building a physical connection with your Demisexual partner, holding hands is a great place to start. You want your partner to get comfortable with your touch, especially if they feel vulnerable in this kind of situation. Holding hands is an enjoyable way to connect with one another without being too invasive of their comfort zones. If this is a new way of being more intimate for you in the relationship, ask them for consent beforehand; this will show them that you have respect for their boundaries and desires.

  • Sleep In The Same Bed

Sleeping in the same bed does not have to be sexual; it is a great way to spend some quality time together, talk about your days and discuss plans for the following week. The awareness that you are sleeping in the same room, in the same bed as a partner can be a romantic, intimate feeling without needing to be physical. The act of sharing a bed can help build a deeper emotional connection as sleeping can be a vulnerable thing. It’s also a great way to create a sense of security and trust in the relationship.

  • Share A Shower

Another intimate and vulnerable act that doesn't have to be sexual is showering with one another. Showering together does not have to involve any physical contact if it is not something your partner feels comfortable with just yet! The reasoning behind this activity is to build trust with your partner, showing them that they can be comfortable sharing close intimate moments with you and that you can work on these things together gradually.

  • Have Fun & Laugh Together

Creating a positive and fun environment will allow your partner to get comfortable around you. Sharing inside jokes, having silly dance parties in the kitchen and playing games will help you build a connection and help them forget about their insecurities. Showing your partner that you want to spend time with them and enjoy their company will allow them to trust your intentions and feel a deeper emotional bond with you.

  • Massages

Once your partner is more comfortable around you and your relationship starts to advance you will find yourself at an in-between stage. You may be able to share physical touches with them, although they may still not be ready to have sex. Ask your partner if you can give them a massage. This could be an innocent massage to help them destress after a long day or depending on the stage in your relationship you could ask if they would be comfortable experiencing an erotic massage. These massages will enable you to slowly build upon your physical connection. At this stage, you should both have an open and honest conversation about your boundaries and ensure you respect these in the process, especially if you are going to be giving an erotic massage. Show your partner that you are with them because you love them, not just for the sexual experiences. 

To summarise, Demisexuality is an individual who only experiences sexual attraction after building an emotional connection. If you are in a relationship with an individual that identifies as Demisexual it is important to respect their needs and boundaries as they may struggle to show affection until they feel comfortable. Work on building trust and respect in your relationship through communication.